


It's My Fault They're Dead

by DoomedKelpie



Category: Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends
Genre: Depression, Foster Care, Grief/Mourning, Self-Harm, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-30
Updated: 2015-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:21:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 1,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25520506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoomedKelpie/pseuds/DoomedKelpie
Summary: Touko and Shigeru die in a fire caused by a yokai. Natsume is then tormented by the yokai. He deals with it in destructive ways.
Kudos: 7





	1. Fire

Natsume was walking home from school. Nishimura and Kitamoto had to talk to a teacher about an assignment they forgot to do. Taki was at home with a cold. Tanuma was helping his father clean the shrine right after school. Nyanko-sensei was probably drunk somewhere. So, Natsume was alone. That is, until he saw another yokai. Without thinking, he greeted it.  
“Good afternoon,” Natsume said.  
“Yes… It is…,” the yokai hissed out.  
Something about it made Natsume feel as if it were dangerous. Of course, yokai were, but this yokai seemed to have started releasing waves of pure malice. Natsume picked up his pace and soon arrived home.  
XXX  
Natsume woke up in the middle of the night. The yokai from before was standing over him, and Nyanko-sensei was still nowhere to be found. He tried to sit up, but found that an invisible force held him down.  
“Oh… Yes… You are quite powerful for a human…This shall be… Quite fun…,” it rasped.  
Fear overtook Natsume, but he still couldn’t move. Then, the yokai was gone. However, in its place was a blazing inferno. Natsume watched, helpless, as the flames spread. Soon, he knew that the fire had engulfed the house.  
“Touko-san! Shigeru-San!” his mind screamed.  
XXX  
By the time the firefighters had arrived, the house had almost burnt to the ground. They had managed to just barely save Natsume, but Touko and Shigeru… were dead. Natsume was rushed to the hospital to have his burns treated.  
XXX  
Since he had been admitted, Natsume had barely spoken a word. His friends, both human and yokai, visited him. He could handle his human friends, but whenever he saw a yokai, he had a panic attack. This was during one of Tanuma’s visits. When the doctors had managed to calm him down, Natsume only said:  
“It’s my fault they’re dead.”


	2. Cut

Natsume was eventually released from the hospital. He was struck with the realization that, on top of Touko and Shigeru’s deaths, he would now have to go back to his previous life. But now, none of Natsume’s relatives would take him in. Since he wasn’t old enough to live on his own yet, Natsume was put in a foster home. His new foster parents were nice, but they didn’t understand why Natsume would suddenly start screaming. Of course, Natsume refused to tell them that he saw a yokai, and started freaking out.  
XXX  
In the end, Natsume had to go to a different foster home. This time, he had to move to a town many miles away. He had to leave all of his friends behind. The night after he arrived, Natsume ran away. He ran into the woods, and sobbed the entire night. Once the dawn came, he realized that this new family would be inconvenienced if he ran away. So, he returned to the house. No one even noticed that he had left.  
XXX  
It had been two months since Touko and Shigeru’s deaths. Natsume had already switched families four times. Soon, he couldn’t handle it any more. On his way home from school one day, he bought a small razor. When he reached the home he was staying in, he went straight into his, probably not for much longer, room. Then, he brought the razor to his wrist.


	3. Return

Three weeks later, Natsume was sent to another foster family. This family lived in the same town where Touko and Shigeru had before they died. When Natsume walked into school the first day he was there, he was immediately hugged from behind by Nishimura and Kitamoto. They were soon joined by Tanuma and Taki.  
“Natsume! You’re back!” they all exclaimed.  
“Y-Yeah,” Natsume murmured.  
His gaze fell to the ground. He was happy to finally be able to see them again, but now he had another fear to add to his steadily growing list. His friends looked so hurt when they saw Natsume in the hospital. He was terrified to see that look in their eyes again… And he knew if they found out any of his secrets, especially one of his newest, that was exactly the look he would see on their faces.  
XXX  
Natsume was sitting in his classroom. At this point, he didn’t even know what the subject was, let alone what the teacher was talking about. He was too busy looking out the window. Seemingly out of nowhere, a yokai appeared. Natsume didn’t even realize that it was the small fox spirit he had met. He started screaming.  
“Natsume-kun!?” his teacher questioned.  
XXX  
Natsume and Tanuma were walking through the park one day when it started to rain. Quickly, they both ran to Tanuma’s house since it was closest. Nonetheless, they were all soaked by the time they got there.  
“Natsume, you can borrow some of my clothes while yours dry,” Tanuma said as he held out a pair of pants and a t-shirt.  
“I’m fine,” Natsume replied when he saw that the t-shirt had short sleeves.  
“Natsume, you’ll catch a cold if you stay in those wet clothes,” Tanuma pleaded.  
Once Natsume saw the worry in his friend’s eyes, he took the clothes. He quickly removed his wet clothes and put on the dry ones. He flinched when he heard Tanuma gasp.  
“Natsume?! What are those cuts on your arm?!” Tanuma yelled.  
He gripped Natsume’s wrist to look at them. A jolt of horror struck through Tanuma.   
“Natsume…?” he questioned, quieter this time.  
Natsume pulled out of his grip and ran out of the house. Tanuma tried to run after him, but he soon lost Natsume in the storm.


	4. Failure

Natsume kept running until he was exhausted. He fell to the ground next to a large tree. Then, the yokai who started the fire that killed Touko and Shigeru appeared.  
“Yes… This really is… so much… fun…,” hissed the creature. “Human… sorrow… is so… interesting…”  
Natsume started screaming.  
“Hahaha…,” the yokai laughed. “You’re… terrified… Why don’t you… make it… stop… then… All you have to do… is take the… knife… you have… and kill yourself… with… it… Then… you’ll be… free… Hahaha!”  
Natsume fainted out of fear.  
XXX  
After that, the yokai followed him around constantly, always taunting him and trying to get him to commit suicide. Ever since Tanuma had found out his new secret, Natsume had been avoiding all his friends, and there was no way Natsume would tell his foster parents about it. So, he was all alone. Before long, Natsume couldn’t stand it any longer. He took out his knife.  
XXX  
Natsume opened his eyes and saw that he was in a white room. He immediately knew that he was in a hospital, which meant he had failed.


	5. Fear

Upon his release from the hospital, Natsume was told that he was going to another foster family. Natsume didn’t know who this family was yet, but he didn’t even care anymore. As Natsume packed his possessions again, he found something that he had forgotten since the incident. It was the book of friends. Natsume was about to rip it apart, but then he remembered his friends whose names were written inside. He was now terrified of them, but he couldn’t kill them. It was then that the yokai decided to reappear.  
“Too… bad… Guess you… failed… Oh, well… guess I’ll… just have to try again…,” it snarled.  
XXX  
When he was told who was to be his next foster family, Natsume hadn’t even paid attention. Therefore, he was flat-out shocked when he found out it was Natori.  
“Hey, Natsume… I know this might seem a little weird, but I thought that since we know each other, it would be better than you living with a stranger…,” Natori explained. “Oh, where’s your cat?”  
“I don’t know,” Natsume muttered. “I haven’t seen him in months.”  
“I… see…,” Natori replied, somewhat shocked.  
XXX  
The pair walked back to Natori’s house in silence. However, as soon as they stepped inside, they were greeted by Hiragi. Of course, Natsume freaked out.  
“Natsume?!” gasped Natori. “It’s just Hiragi, you don’t have to be afraid.”  
This, obviously, didn’t help. Natori eventually asked Hiragi to leave the room and eventually got Natsume to calm down.  
“Natsume… Are you really that afraid of yokai now?” Natori asked.  
Natsume simply nodded his head.


	6. Invisible

Natsume awoke with a jolt. Terrified, he slowly turned his head and saw it. The yokai had returned.  
“…You… failed… Stupid…human…,” it growled.  
Natsume screamed and tried to cover his ears. Despite his efforts, however, he could still hear its every word clearly. Suddenly, the light in the room was turned on. Natori ran over to Natsume and started to shake him.  
“Natsume! Natsume!” he called. “What’s going on?”  
Natsume, with a trembling hand, pointed to the yokai. Natori looked, and his brow creased.  
“Natsume, what are you pointing at?” he asked.  
“Y-y-yokai…,” Natsume stammered out.  
“Natsume… There’s nothing there… Not even a yokai…,” Natori replied.  
Natsume’s eyes widened.   
“B-but’s it’s r-right there! I can see it! Why can’t you?!” Natsume yelled, his panic rising.  
“I really don’t see anything,” said Natori. “Are you okay?”  
“HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!” the yokai bellowed as it took a step closer to him.  
Natsume jumped up and started backing up until he hit the wall.  
“Natsume?” Natori questioned. “What are you doing?”  
“Get away from me!” the boy yelled, ignoring him.  
“Hahaha… What a… stupid…little human…,” the yokai taunted.


	7. Scream

“Natsume, calm down!” Natori yelled.  
“GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY!!!!!!” Natsume screamed.  
The yokai reached up and touched his face.  
“Hahaha… He can’t see me… No one… ever believes you… do they…?” it sneered.  
“LEAVE ME ALONE!!!” screamed the boy.  
“HAHAHAHAHA!!!!” the yokai laughed. “Even… the exorcist… won’t ever… believe you… Stupid boy…”  
The yokai turned away and slowly crept out of the room. Natsume eventually started to calm down.  
“Natsume? What just happened?” Natori questioned.  
Natsume began to cry.  
“I told you… There was a yokai! It killed Touko-san and Shigeru-san! Why can’t you see it…?” Natsume sobbed.  
“I don’t know Natsume… I don’t know…,” Natori replied with a confused look.


	8. Again

Natsume sat in his room, terrified. Of course, the yokai had returned.  
“He… won’t… believe you… You’re… the only one… who can… see me… He’ll think… that you’re a liar… too… and he’ll send you… away…” it taunted. “You should… just kill yourself… already… Wouldn’t that… be better… than being… sent away… again…?”  
Natsume heard the words repeat in his head again and again. The longer he listened, the more the yokai’s words seemed to make sense to him. He didn’t want to be sent to another house again. He didn’t want one of the only people who believed him about yokai to think he was a liar. He shakily rose to his feet and walked over to the closet. He opened the door and slid out an old book. He brought it to the middle of the room and slide out his hidden knife.


	9. Blood

Natori had done some research. He found out that there was a yokai that attached itself to humans and made them slowly drop into despair. Eventually, the person would kill themselves. And… only the person it was attached to could see it. After obtaining this new information, Natori grew worried. He quickly rushed home.  
“Natsume?” he called out as he opened the door.  
He was immediately struck with the feeling that a strong yokai was there. He ran to Natsume’s room and threw open the door. There he saw Natsume surrounded by a pool of his own blood.   
“NATSUME!!!” he yelled as he dropped to his knees next to the boy.  
He checked for a pulse… and he couldn’t find one.  
“Stupid Natsume… This isn’t how I wanted to get the book of friends,” a voice said.  
Natori turned toward the voice and saw Natsume’s cat. It trotted into the room and grabbed the old book that was lying next to Natsume, which was covered in the boy’s blood.  
“Goodbye… Natsume…”


End file.
